Dear Harriette: It’s summer now! I just pulled out my summer clothes, and I’m having a reality check. I knew I had gained weight during the pandemic, but at home I was mainly wearing sweatpants and pajama bottoms, so it didn’t really matter. Now I have discovered that I can’t fit into any of my shorts. Pants without elastic don’t zip. My crop tops are revealing rolls of fat that do not need to be showcased. I am mortified. Yes, this means I need to lose weight, but right now I have nothing to wear. Do you think I should give away everything and buy a whole new wardrobe or just buy a few things and motivate myself to lose weight so I can fit what I have? —Unfit
Dear Unfit: Don’t give away everything yet! Buy a few staples so that you can feel comfortable as you go about your life. But use this reality check to get you back on track. Make a movement plan and a nutritional plan. You must lower your caloric intake in order to lose weight. Read about healthy, low-calorie diets and find something that works for you. Many people follow WW (formerly Weight Watchers) with excellent results as it helps you track your intake all day long and gives you guidance on the value of whatever you put in your mouth.
Choose an accountability partner who can help inspire you to keep up your program even when you don’t feel like it. Give yourself a goal for when you will be able to fit into a favorite pair of pants or top. Try them on each week. When they fit again, you can rejoice!
Dear Harriette: I just learned that my husband tried to grope my best friend a few years ago when we were visiting her. I am so embarrassed. She said he was drunk when he did it. We were all at a party at her house hanging out together, and apparently when he got drunk, he went overboard. She never told me, she said, because she didn’t want to wreck our visit. She is so thoughtful.
I am glad that she told me now. It came up because she and I were talking about a more recent incident when my husband was loud and rude after getting drunk. Clearly, he needs help. I fear that when I bring this up to him, he will deflect and not take it seriously. How can I get him to see the impact of his behavior? — Too Much
Dear Too Much: Sit down with your husband when he is sober. Tell him you have something serious to discuss with him. Ask for his undivided attention. Then tell him that you are concerned about how he behaves when he drinks too much. Give him the recent example in enough detail that he can remember. Then tell him about what happened with your friend, adding that you only recently learned about this incident. Tell him this behavior is unacceptable, and you need him to get help.
If he balks, explain that he is embarrassing himself, you, your friends and your family. Insist that he do something: go to therapy, join Alcoholics Anonymous, go to detox, get help. If he refuses, figure out what you are prepared to do. If you do nothing, you can rest assured he will repeat his behavior. Figure out what the consequences will be and enforce them. You might want to find an Al-Anon family group for support.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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